I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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