I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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