i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize