we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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