pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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