I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
