i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
