his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We are all done wearing pants today
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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