btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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