their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Don't make out with my wife yet
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
