GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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