Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
