whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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