and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
