and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
