Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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