guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
