Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
