Only a mothe r could love this liver
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
