Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
