Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
farters have to be the big spoon...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
