We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
