everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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