every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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