Umm I'm too high to move.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
