Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
