whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
