Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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