i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
No subtext here. People are naked.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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