God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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