I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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