Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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