come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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