Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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