My sheets look like a crime scene.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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