Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
