Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
