Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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