when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
