Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
