its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
