i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
