After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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