I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
