Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize