one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
