I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
