Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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