the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
