you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
if only i could text you this smell
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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