am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
