some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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