You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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