last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
