So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
