How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
