Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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