i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
where are you?
Hypothermia
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
