Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
