Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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