I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Randomize
