I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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